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Reluctantly entering Lent

From Betty Hollister....

Ok.  I am not going to lie.  I have to admit I had to be dragged kicking and screaming to this project.  When I heard the words holy solitude and fasting, the only one I really liked was holy.  But I bought the book and looked at it for days.  THEN, Judi asked me if I would consider blogging.  Whoa!  I immediately went into excuse overload and bought a little time with the ever-handy, “I’ll get back to you.”  And yes, I am well aware that the disciples dropped their nets and followed immediately.  Remember the kicking and scream…back to my excuses:

1. I am not a blog person.
2. I love my creature comforts.
3. I am a widow.  I have made peace with my companion, “solitude.”
4. I already set aside time every morning with my cats, my coffee, and scripture.
5. Isn’t there something else I could do to contribute that maybe wouldn’t involve missing a meal? 

Lots of guilt floating around here. Unfortunately, the second part of that promise to Judi included “delving into the book.”  Ok.  I could at least check out the Introduction.  Surprisingly, I did lots of highlighting there.  Solitude isn’t loneliness…but the practice of a deep integrity. (p. x ) …being is more important than having…we are worth more than the result of our efforts. (p. x)  Oh dear, the guilt piles deeper, but I am intrigued.  I really do want Lent to become more meaningful.  As a farm kid raised in the Methodist tradition with very limited exposure to other cultures or religions, I didn’t know much about Lent.  It always seemed to be a Catholic thing or a spiritually enforced diet plan—you know, sacrificing chocolate or peanut butter or even worse, both.  So, I read on. Not much highlighting on the Preparing for Fasting—ok, well, no highlighting.  I liked the Almsgiving Part, but struck pay dirt on the Preparing the Home.  Now that is something I can get into since I have never met a flat surface I didn’t want to decorate.  The author mentions sand, stones, sticks, burlap.  What do I do?  Do I quietly  go outside and search for God in the winter back yard?  No, I head to Hobby Lobby.  That is a Christian-based store, right?  Surely, they will have some sand that is at least somewhat “holy.”  More guilt, but I can’t stop myself.  I get my supplies, head home, print out Mark 1:12-13 The spirit then compelled Jesus to go into the wilderness where he was temped by Satan for forty days.  (notice I stopped before the snakes or scorpion part…more guilt)

But, I press on.  I love the quote on p. 2 “there’s a place inside you where God is waiting to sit with you.”  Who says God wouldn’t mind sitting with me beside my new table arrangement?  Maybe a little less guilt…I press on.

Thursday’s discussion on p. 4 says, “The desert took away all barriers between his soul and God’s wide gaze…”  This brought to mind something Pastor Eric said this week,  “Lent should be about giving up something that stands between you and God.”  As I take a few deep breaths, it dawns on me that the biggest obstacle between me and God right now is my noisy, solitude-shattering guilt.  God knows me.  He created me.  He loves me so much He sent His only son to invite me into the family.  Isn’t that what this season is really about?  Accepting and claiming my inheritance as a child of God ransomed and paid for at the end of this journey into the wilderness.  Bingo!  Now I am committed.  I will continue this project because I do want to deepen my faith and listen to what God and Jesus can say to me through this book.  BUT, I will accept that I am not ever going to be the fasting type or live in a small house or a remote cell in a monastery. (not enough flat surfaces to decorate)  God didn’t create me that way.  It doesn’t mean I can’t look deep inside the me He created and find what He has hidden there.  OK, Judi.  I’m in!

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