I like to think of myself as a faithful person, but goodness
knows I struggle with patience. I remember working with confirmation class a
number of years ago, where one of the male leaders mentioned he had prayed for patience. He
joked at the time that God’s answer to his prayer was to help him grow
patience, by calling him to work with middle school boys. That’ll teach you
some patience.
I, too, do not like to wait.
I want an answer now.
When praying, I’d really like to know my prayer is heard, will be answered the way I want, and will be answered pretty darn soon.
But God does not work that way.
Sometimes God takes a long time to answer prayers.
Sometimes it is extremely difficult to feel God’s presence.
As months dragged on to years waiting for children, I know
now that God drew me closer, even though I could not feel his presence. I did
not realize at the time that for every tear shed, God was with me weeping too.
Only in retrospect do I now see that God was indeed drawing
me closer and strengthening my faith. While I did not have the child I wanted
for many years, God called me to serve youth of the church of whom I often
referred to as my kids.
The reading today, though, talks about times when people do
not feel the presence of God at all for a time. Mother Teresa suffered many years from not
being able to hear God. Amazingly this time did not seem to diminish her faith.
I’d like to share some exerpts from her below:
This
excerpt on silence comes from In the Heart of the World by Mother Teresa.
* * *
“Yesterday is gone.
Tomorrow has not yet come.
We have only today.
Let us begin.”
In the silence of the heart God speaks. If you face God in prayer and silence,
God will speak to you. Then you will know that you are nothing. It is only when
you realize your nothingness, your emptiness that God can fill you with Himself.
Souls of prayer are souls of great silence.
There is a very holy priest, who is also one of the best theologians in India
right now. I know him very well, and I said to him, “Father, you talk all day
about God. How close you must be to God!” And do you know what he said to me?
He said, “I may be talking much about God, but I may be talking very
little to God.” And then he explained, “I may
be rattling off so many words and may be saying many good things, but deep down
I do not have the time to listen. Because in the silence of the heart, God
speaks.”
In silence we will find new energy and true unity. Silence gives us a new
outlook on everything.
The essential thing is not what we say but what God says to us and through us.
In that silence, He will listen to us; there He will speak to our soul, and
there we will hear His voice.
Listen in silence because if your heart is full of other things you cannot hear
the voice of God. But when you have listened to the voice of God in the
stillness of your heart, then your heart is filled with God.
The contemplatives and ascetics of all ages and religions have sought God in
the silence and solitude of the desert, forest, and mountains. Jesus himself
spent forty days in the desert and the mountains, communing for long hours with
the Father in the silence of the night.
We too are called to withdraw at certain intervals into deeper silence and
aloneness with God, together as a community as well as personally; to be alone
with Him — not with our books, thoughts, and memories but completely stripped
of everything — to dwell lovingly in His presence, silent, empty, expectant,
and motionless. We cannot find God in noise or agitation.
In nature we find silence — the trees, flowers, and grass grow in silence. The
stars, the moon, and the sun move in silence.
Silence of the heart is necessary so you can hear God everywhere — in the
closing of a door, in the person who needs you, in the birds that sing, in the
flowers, in the animals.
What is essential is not what we say but what God tells us and what He tells
others through us. In silence He listens to us; in silence He speaks to our
souls. In silence we are granted the privilege of listening to His voice.
Silence of the eyes, by seeking always the beauty and goodness of God
everywhere, and closing them to the faults of others and to all that is sinful
and disturbing to the soul.
Silence of the ears, by listening always to the voice of God and to the cry of
the poor and the needy, and closing them to all other voices that come from
fallen human nature, such as gossip, tale bearing, and uncharitable words.
Silence of the tongue, by praising God and speaking the life-giving Word of God
that is the truth, that enlightens and inspires, brings peace, hope, and joy;
and by refraining from self-defense and every word that causes darkness,
turmoil, pain, and death.
Silence of the mind, by opening it to the truth and knowledge of God in prayer
and contemplation, like Mary who pondered the marvels of the Lord in her heart,
and by closing it to all untruths, distractions, destructive thoughts, rash
judgments, false suspicions of others, vengeful thoughts, and desires.
Silence of the heart, by loving God with our heart, soul, mind, and strength;
loving one another as God loves; and avoiding all selfishness, hatred, envy,
jealousy, and greed.
I shall keep the silence of my heart with greater care, so that in the silence
of my heart I hear His words of comfort, and from the fullness of my heart I
comfort Jesus in the distressing disguise of the poor. For in the silence and
purity of the heart God speaks.
* * *
We cannot put ourselves directly in the presence of God if we do not practice
internal and external silence.
* * *
To make possible true inner
silence, practice:
* * *
* * *
Sometimes I wonder; am I talking to the air? Is anyone there? To wrestle with an issue, pray, beg and then encounter.......nothing. At that moment the last thing I want to hear is "God's time is not your time".
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I have been trying to "be there" for our oldest son who had his world come crashing in about 4 years ago and went into a mental/emotional tailspin. I have spent quite a bit of time walking outside, just begging God to help him recover and find contentment with his life. I even offered myself in exchange for my son's recovery. I would say the same request for help over and over and over. There was in reply only silence. I tried to listen, which I soon discovered is very hard to do when the heart keeps on crying out. The days after our son came to live with us and recover were agonizingly long and slow and at times I despaired that he would never be the person I used to know. There would be a few good days, or even a couple of weeks and then we would be back to ground zero.
It has just been in the last 5 months that I can see a definite change in my son. He has been employed for a little over a year and has been paying down the debts he encountered when he lost his job. He has discontinued almost all of the medication he was placed on, attends a support group and seems to be almost the son I used to know. He hopes to move to an apartment within the next couple of months.
So, have my prayers been answered? Well, it is a "work in progress". It certainly did not come about in the manor in which I had hoped and I know so very well that my son will have to deal with his illness for the rest of his life. Was God there? It was so hard to find Him, especially during the worst days. As much as I wanted to have my request answered, I also wanted God to SAY SOMETHING, ANYTHING or at least let me know that He was there and He understood. Maybe he was there and I didn't know it? I would like to think so. In the meantime, I will keep searching for Him.
Thank you so much for sharing so honestly. I pray that you will indeed feel God's presence. Your faithful walk even when encountering silence is, frankly, amazing. Please know you are not alone and your sisters and brothers in Christ would love to walk with you, sharing your burden.
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