Pondering the journey

Betty Hollister writes

Judi assured me this week would be easier—more about a journey, maybe even something as simple as a walk in nature.  Ok.  Maybe. I admitted to her that even though I didn’t “like” the week of “Solitude and Struggle,” it did make me think, and I liked that.  And, the thinking, of course, didn’t stop this week.  Monday’s lesson reminded us how Jesus sought solitude by walking away from the crowds after periods of “greatest exertion or emotional distress.”  That made complete sense.  If Jesus, fully human, but also fully divine, needed time alone to talk to His father and renew his strength to heal the next in line or preach to the next crowd that made complete sense.  Even Tuesday’s suggestions about labyrinth walks to “get lost in God’s creation” made sense to me.  Then, I read about the “blue-gray-green monks” who turned that color due to hardship and fasting and Mary of Egypt who wandered for decades alone in the desert “burned and bleached by the sun.” And, I had to question.  Whom did they serve?  I know this choice of self deprivation brought them closer to God, and as the author said helped Mary feel “known, cherished, and at peace.”  But, I kept questioning who else benefited?  Pondering this in the “desert of my family room” finally made me land upon a weakness that has pestered me forever: putting too much emphasis on the product and ignoring the process.  I have alway struggled not to be controlled by my To Do List.  I finally realized this same thinking was biasing my understanding of the Coracle Monks and Mary of Egypt.  More pondering needed…

Thursday’s offering about Jonah was by far my favorite because it addressed the difference between self imposed solitude and solitude forced upon us.  I especially loved the line on p. 54 that the Holy spirit goes to great lengths (and depths) to bring human beings into relationship.  In my own experience, this involves relationship with God, with myself, and ultimately with others.  But it is never just for the sole purpose of suffering alone.  This selection brought to mind one of my favorite quotes from Lutheran pastor, Nadia Bolz-Weber when she wrote about lessons learned from Jonah.  “Wipe off the whale spit and serve where you are sent.”  So, I do think that solitude (whether it is self imposed or enforced) can be fruitful.  But it should never be the end result. So, Judi, lots more thoughts this week; right now I am resisting the urge to go check this blog entry off my To Do List and add “more pondering” to the bottom of it.